Cat Burglars Ruin Catwalk
World-renowned French fashion house Balmain has had over fifty pieces stolen after a lorry carrying the high-end brand’s merchandise was hijacked.
Immediate and unconfirmed reports are claiming the sting was orchestrated by Donatella Versace and Giorgio Armani.
‘No comment.’ Versace stated, while blowing smoke from her Vogue cigarette in a reporter's face, when leaving the five-star Palms resort in Zanzibar, with Bella Hadid and Chris Pine.
Armani could not be reached for comment.
The pieces were to be unveiled later this month at a Paris show as part of the brand’s 2024 spring-summer collection.
‘The pieces were going to make a statement about where this company is headed’ Balmain creative director Olivier Rousteing stated, via one of seventy- two Instagram stories posted to his personal account.
‘The pieces were to focus primarily on the environmental impact of our brand and the future impacts of fast fashion on our world.’
Asked how many times the pieces were to be worn, Rousteing answered, ‘Once. Obviously. Then they will be burned using Baltic elm, which is far better for the Ozone.’
Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon occurrence in the cutthroat world of high-end fashion, only last year the Alexander McQueen Paris Fashion Week show had to be canceled after a number of the garments were stolen by WHINGE an environmental activist group, rumored to be linked with by Greta Thumberg.
The pieces, created for the autumn/ winter season were store-bought, industrial-strength garbage bags, with holes delicately cut out for the wearer’s arms and legs. The cheapest piece’s retail value was USD 29,000 (AUD 45,000).
Once the pieces were returned, Alexander McQueen was applauded by the entire industry for the piece's gender non-conformity and pro-Ukraine sentiment.
Questions are still being asked if the Balmain show will go ahead, with less than two weeks before its scheduled event date.
Last year, the generally star-studded front row of Balmain’s runway included Bad Bunny, Rhianna, and Australia’s Casey Donavan.
After news broke of the shipment hijacking, models at Balmain’s headquarters in Paris were noticeably upset. Three of whom were visibly crying.
‘I cry for the clothing, not because I’ve been told not to eat.’ Russian model Yekaterina Pavlov stated.
Rousteing concluded his Instagram statement by begging the public to help find the stolen garments, offering a four thousand euro reward. He also stated he had contributed twenty-five dollars to the Go- Fund- Me of the family of the driver, who is still missing.